Thursday, August 6, 2009

Carrying an Angel

I loved feeling you inside of me Chloe. Oh, I miss that so much. I cried many nights after we found out that she had anencephaly. I just didn't understand. I'm not sure that I do now. I may never understand why God takes our baby's from us but.... He knows
Her headstone says "A heart of gold stopped beating, Two shining eyes at rest, God broke our hearts to prove, He only takes the best."
First sonogram 9wks (you can already tell, we just didn't know)

Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Very Beginning

I found out in November 2008 that I was pregnant and I was so exited to be having another baby. But I had that feeling that something was wrong from the very beginning. I knew that was normal I think we all worry at first because we want everything to be okay. I went to my first Dr's appointment in December, I was 9wks. Everything was okay on my sonogram the baby looked fine. (But it was just to early to tell.) I was having some spotting so the next appointment I had another sonogram. The tech said the Dr must be doing this as a precautionary, he likes to make sure.

It was January 15th 2009 that we found out that my baby had anencephaly. The tech said something was wrong she could not measure the head. She requested for the Dr to come in the room. They looked together and he told me he could not see a cranial. That means no skull. I knew what that meant but how could that be. The baby had to have a skull. But it didn't and that's when I found out that is was anencephaly. I'd never even heard of it. I began to cry and could not speak. I was at the Dr's office by myself. My Dr asked did I have any questions. Nothing would come out. "Please don't let this be true" was all I could think. I had to call my husband at work. It was so hard to tell him something was wrong. We had an appointment the next week with a specialist to confirm it was anencephaly. He was a wonderful Dr. Thank you!

We chose to carry Her to term or as long as we could. Yes, we found out at 14wks that it was a GIRL! (It) became Chloe Grace our little angel baby. (That's what I call her all the time) It was an easy decision to carry her even though we knew the outcome. This was a journey that I could not understand why we were traveling. But God gave us this, our baby for a reason. Oh, and we loved her...... and miss her so much now.

Don't think He sent me to you,
And then He changed his mind.
You see, I am a special child,
And I'm needed up above.
I'm the special gift you gave Him,
The product of your love.

This is just the beginning of our journey...